it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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