come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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