New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
