I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
