I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
