You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
