I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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