My hand turned me down
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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