he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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