You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Someone stole a lamp last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
