What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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