I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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