Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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