I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
