nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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