You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
