My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
