Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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