i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
