This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
