please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
