are you still at the devil's house?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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