I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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