So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
