how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
