I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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