a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
