I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
