Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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