he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
