Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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