I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
