It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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