Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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