Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
