He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
