when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
