Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
