I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
