my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize