Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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