operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
