you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
