it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
