I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
