Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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