What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
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The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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