the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm determined to sit on that face.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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