If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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