I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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