My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
