I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize