i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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