I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
