Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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