It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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