Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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