I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
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Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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