so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
