i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
