I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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