eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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