you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
