it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
