My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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