Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
