Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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