I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize