So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
