Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My liver just had a heart attack.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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