Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
