Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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