I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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