I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Randomize
